No more Irish Goodbyes on social media for me

I am a master at the “Irish Goodbye” and I’m almost 99 percent sure that it is listed under my professional skills on LinkedIn (please go endorse me).

Jim Halpert is my TV soul mate.

I enjoy being a part of the action, but in real life and in the virtual world, sometimes I quietly leave, unnoticed and crawl back into my bed. Well, long gone are the days of the Facebook “Irish Goodbye.” Now, thanks to the Who Deleted Me app (available on iOS and Android, ya creeps) you can find who has unfriended you… IN REAL TIME. No more inconspicuous exits for me.

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You can check when your friends last logged in? That’s not creepy at all.

The app, which launched a few weeks ago, alerts you when someone unfriends you, has deactivated their account or has last logged in. Listen, social media is already awkward enough. What is the end goal of this app? To make the next human-to-human interaction as uncomfortable as possible?

  • Person 1: “I saw you unfriended me on Facebook last night.”
  • Person 2: “I sure did.”
  • Person 1: “Why?”
  • Person 2: “Uhm… well… (pick one, I dare you)”
  1. You post too many selfies. You’re self-centered and annoy me.
  2. You repost too much crap. Do yourself and everyone else a favor and open a Tumblr account.
  3. I don’t care for this friendship. Hiding you from my feed wasn’t enough.
  4. Your Facebook rants make no sense.
  5. Your spelling is atrocious and your status updates make my eyes bleed.

See how awkward it would be? When I delete someone, I want them to realize it months from the moment I made that decision. I don’t want to explain myself or my decision to them. I want them to think, “Did I accidentally delete her?” and then for them to never send a friend request back because it’s too awkward to acknowledge.

If any of my friends download that app, please let me know so that I can delete you and let you know you’re too needy.

xx

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